seeping summer

i hate sharing information about my life, for some reason it makes my skin thin and i feel extremely vulnerable ... this probably explains the vagueness of my blog.

but i learned something extremely valuable the past year i need to share.

i am not going to go into details but the girl with brunette hair, that dreams of traveling the world every two minutes was no longer there. it just took me a while to figure it out.


you could say i was numb to the world and people around me.


you may remember this post.
the year leading up to this post was amazing, i loved almost every second of it. but i just never realized how lost i was getting and how confused i was along the way.

then two months before that post it hit me how lost i had become. i laid in bed and cried myself to sleep almost every night, and i'm not a crier. (let me tell you the only time i had ever cried myself to sleep before was when Riley my beautiful dog died over two years ago)

Something wasn't right, i new i wasn't happy and i had become so lost in the maze of my life i didn't even remember what it was like to truly be myself. I forgot what hope, happiness, and laughter meant to me, i was lost in someone else's definition.

then one morning i woke up before the sun and i felt that that the air was different, than ever before. (sometimes you just know your panda express fortune cookie, that promise change, is about the come true.)

this summer has seeped 
into every crack of my soul.

i didn't realize how broken i was until i was free, until the cracks started to be filled.

and thank the heavens for the seeping because

i found myself. 

i found hope.  

and i am surrounded by more love than i thought possible.

i don't know what i did right but i am surrounded by amazing people. they leave me feeling real, raw, and boundless.

just like the people around you should.

every morning i wake up before the sun and know that the brunette girl is back.